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2014 Predictions: What Does the New Year Hold for Rock ‘n’ Roll?

Crystal Ball
Sasha, Getty Images

Seldom dull, 2013 was filled with fun surprises, big comebacks and stories that shocked our socks off. And no matter how your year turned out, it’s safe to say the last 12 months have been interesting. And now that 2014 is right around the bend, we here at Diffuser thought it would fun to throw down some predictions for the coming year. Since rock stars are notoriously eccentric and ridiculous, some of these prognostications are pretty crazy, but none are completely impossible. Who will leave the industry? Who’ll make a comeback in 2014? Who’ll decide to break up? Who’ll come back together and put out their 25th album? Read our 10 predictions for 2014 to get a taste of what you may be talking about in the new year.

Michael Buckner/Stuart C. Wilson, Getty Images
Michael Buckner/Stuart C. Wilson, Getty Images


Mick Jagger Retires, Gets One Direction’s Harry Styles to Take His Place



Keith Richards is pissed at first, but then he realizes Harry’s easier to push around — and that he attracts women born in the ’90s — so he ultimately gets on board.


Andrew H. Walker, Getty Images
Andrew H. Walker, Getty Images


Bowie’s ‘The Next Day’ Tour Features Ziggy Stardust and Jareth the Goblin King



Bowie will deliver a special treat for devoted fans as he invites not only Ziggy Stardust but also Jareth the Goblin — from the 1986 cult classic ‘Labyrinth’ — out on the road. To keep things exciting, each night will feature one or other, but you won’t know which until the lights go down and the music starts.


Gabriel Olsen/Ben A. Pruchnie, Getty Images
Gabriel Olsen/Ben A. Pruchnie, Getty Images


Noel Gallagher Offends Lorde, Says She’s Done After ‘Royals’



Noel Gallagher doesn’t hold back when it comes to criticizing young pop stars, so Lorde is fair game. At some point in 2014, he’ll go on record as saying the New Zealand singer’s days are numbered, and that she won’t have a hit after ‘Royals.’ He’ll also remind us Liam is a twit, just because.


Guided By Voices
Guided By Voices


Guided by Voices Release Even More Albums



Just when you think Guided By Voices main man Robert Pollard can’t possibly have more music in him, he drops more product. In February, GBV returns with ‘Motivational Jumpsuit,’ but they’re not likely to stop there. In 2014, look for no fewer than six new LPs, as well as a promise to release a record every year from here to eternity.


Frank Micelotta, Getty Images
Frank Micelotta, Getty Images


Nirvana Play Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction With Kurt Cobain Hologram



If Tupac Shakur can do it, why can’t Kurt Cobain? To commemorate Nirvana‘s inclusion in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame’s Class of 2014, the late singer will join bandmates Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic onstage in hologram form as they tear up the stage with ‘Lithium.’ Won’t be controversial or anything.


Alexander Tamargo/Stephen Lovekin, Getty Images
Alexander Tamargo/Stephen Lovekin, Getty Images


Miley Cyrus and Sinead O’Connor Make Up



It’s hard to imagine either of these two showing her propriety during tea time, but Sinead and Miley will shock the world when they decide to clear the air, talk about new projects and even discuss a collaboration over a cuppa.


Kevork Djansezian, Getty Images
Kevork Djansezian, Getty Images


Surviving Beatles Honor 50th Anniversary By Releasing Unheard Music



If you thought you had all their songs, think again. Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr honor their band’s legacy by releasing a collection of tracks originally kept off of late-’60s albums for being so trippy that no one — not even the supremely stoned Fab Four themselves — knew what to make of the tunes.


Jamie McCarthy, Getty Images
Jamie McCarthy, Getty Images


Daft Punk Surprise at Grammys By Not Showing Up



Whether it’s because of network issues or an attempt to preserve their aura of mystery, the French electro duo will shock everyone when they don’t show up for their own performance at the Grammys. Stephen Colbert will find a really clever way to say, “I told you so.”


Kevin Winter, Getty Images
Kevin Winter, Getty Images


Arcade Fire Continue Costume Rule, Offenders Will Become Foxes



Earlier this year, Arcade Fire demanded that fans show up for their gigs in costumes or fancy dress. That will continue in 2014, and anyone who doesn’t will have to wear a fox costume provided by the band and remind everyone the sound foxes make, just like Ylvis does.


Kevin Winter, Getty Images
Kevin Winter, Getty Images


Morrissey Cancels Tour Due to People’s Refusal to Give Up Meat



Morrissey has had it. Until all of mankind adopts a meatless diet, he’ll explain via a witty and seething blog post, he will no longer perform live. Carnivorous Smiths fans weep into their burgers. The rest will just weep.


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