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Best Blue Balls Songs

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There aren’t too many things more painful than the very real physical side effects of sexual frustration. Whether it’s because of unrequited love or a woman who’s changed her mind, blue balls have cursed man ever since humans started mating. (We’re pretty sure there’s documented proof that cavewomen got “headaches,” too.) Our list of the Best Blue Balls Songs takes a look at the ups and, um, downs of stopping love in action.


Modern Lovers Astral Plane

'Astral Plane'

The Modern Lovers
 
 

Released on the Modern Lovers' terrific 1976 self-titled debut album, 'Astral Plane' chronicles one man's sleepless night due to a critical case of blue balls. We can presume the guy in question is singer-songwriter Jonathan Richman, who frequently charted his sexual frustrations in song. Here, he spells it out: "I'll go insane if you won't sleep with me," he promises. But then, like so many other folks on our list of the Best Blue Balls Songs, he takes matters in his own hands, declaring "I'll still be with you."

 
Smiths How Soon Is Now

'How Soon Is Now?'

 
 

Even though he spent a good chunk of his career discussing his celibacy and asexuality, Morrissey sure spent a lot of time talking about not getting any (he shows up elsewhere on our list of the Best Blue Balls Songs as a solo artist). This classic Smiths track may be about finding connection on a more spiritual front, but it's also about the physical frustrations stemming from not having a partner. Check out that line about going home alone.

 
Grinderman No Pussy Blues

'No Pussy Blues'

Grinderman
 
 

Nick Cave used his '00s side project Grinderman to take out his sexual frustrations. And considering the 30 or so years the guy has paraded his romantic misery, is it any surprise he's hit a perpetual dry spell when it comes to the ladies? "I saw a girl in the crowd / I ran over / I shouted out / I asked if I could take her out, but she said that she didn't want to," he sings. He struck out even after washing her dishes, buying her flowers and petting her "revolting little chihuahua." Tough gal.

 
Morrissey November Spawned a Monster

'November Spawned a Monster'

Morrissey
 
 

Like the other Morrissey-penned cut on our list of the Best Blue Balls Songs, 'November Spawned a Monster' is just as much about making a personal connection as it is a sexual one. But the narrator here is disabled, so getting lucky is even more difficult. "If the lights were out, could you even bear to kiss her full on the mouth?" the singer asks. "Sleep and dream of love, because it's the closest you will get to love," he answers.

 
Undertones Teenage Kicks

'Teenage Kicks'

The Undertones
 
 

These Irish punks are just like any other teens, spending their days and nights not doing much but thinking of sex. And like most teens, they're striking out. "Every time she walks down the street / Another girl in the neighborhood / Wish she was mine, she looks so good," Feargal Sharkey sings, voice quivering in anticipation of the hugs and kisses that will never come.

 

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