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Lost & Found: Don’t Blame Us If You Die of Fright After Watching This Trailer

The above video makes some big promises about being truly horrifying. It promises that you’ll be able to see “the creature that undrapes the passions of the living.” OK, we’re gonna stop here for just a moment before we get any further into this whole thing.

That line, “See the creature that undrapes the passions of the living!” is pure gold. That’s what people in showbiz call ‘A Material.’ We had to give some props before we get on with the sarcasm. Anyhoo, back to making fun of the rest of the video.

So what is this creature anyway? Apparently it’s a pair of hands in some nice-looking black gloves. Our living corpse, otherwise known as a “person,” looks like a snappy dresser. We don’t know too much more, since the trailer doesn’t really bother with insignificant details like the story or character development. Nope, no time for that.

The filmmakers needed that precious trailer time to warn potential viewers of the dangers posed by witnessing this spectacle of terror. This cinematic masterpiece was so frightening that viewers were required to sign a “death waiver.” That way, neither the studio nor the theater could be held responsible when audience members succumbed to the dreaded “Death by Fright!” Because that’s a thing, especially with low-budget grindhouse flicks that were shown in a double-feature with ‘The Horror of Party Beach.’

Yes, that’s real. We’ll wait while you Google it.

In case you’re curious as to the story, it’s an original tale involving greedy family members who stay the night in a rich relative’s home after he dies. They ignore his final wishes, and then they all start dying mysteriously by some aforementioned gloved hands. Spoiler alert, the killer’s not a corpse. Not that it matters. Anyway, just in case you’re curious, here’s the trailer for ’The Horror of Party Beach.’

Next Lost & Found: Magical Phones!

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