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Perfect Black Friday Playlist (For Snagging All the Deals)

Ian Gavan / Simone Joyner / Theo Wargo, Getty Images

Thanksgiving is meant to be a holiday of reflection — a time set aside for families to come together and express their gratitude for all of the blessings they’ve enjoyed throughout the year. Everyone stuffs themselves with turkey and dressing and potatoes and every other food imaginable. With the inclusion of the gluttonous feast, Thanksgiving has always been a self-contradicting holiday — and the day after Thanksgiving doesn’t help.

The day after our national day of giving thanks, dubbed ‘Black Friday’ by some marketing genius with a slightly evil disposition, undoes any potential good done by Thanksgiving. All thoughts of being happy with what you have are eclipsed by the promise of a cheap laptop and a giant, new television. But in order to lay claim to these outrageous deals, you must fight your neighbors, your friends and your loved ones. This will be no easy task, bargain hunter.

Because we live to serve, we have put together a playlist of some songs that will put you in the proper mood to grab every digital camera, tablet and gaming system you can pry from the fingers of that unusually strong grandmother. As the throbbing crowd pushes against the glass doors of the local shopping mall, Mammon, god of greed and gluttony, will be looking down and smiling. And he’ll also probably be listening to our Perfect Black Friday Playlist.


‘Glory and Gore’

Lorde

 

 

You’re preparing for battle. You’ve been waiting in line outside Best Buy for two hours, shaking with anticipation, or is that shivering from the frost that’s formed on your face? You need some war music to pump you up for the upcoming melee. Just listen to Lorde‘s ‘Glory and Gore,’ and you’ll be all set.

 

‘March of the Fire Ants’

Mastadon

 

 

The moment everyone has been waiting for has finally arrived. Bodies pressed against the glass doors are forced back temporarily as the doors open. You’re not certain, but you think you can hear a bugle blast (or Mastodon‘s ‘March of the Fire Ants’) in the distance, sounding the advance of some troops toward some unseen enemy.

 

‘Magic Toy Missing’

Meat Puppets

 

 

As the throng of shoppers disperses throughout the store, every person is looking for that one item that he or she wants most. The Meat Puppets’ ‘Magic Toy Missing’ should help you focus your senses as you hone in on just what you want.

 

‘Lost In the Supermarket’

The Clash

 

 

At some point during all of this madness, you may find yourself getting a little hazy. If you realize that you’ve been staring at USB storage dongles for the last 10 minutes, you might be suffering from shopping overload. The Clash understand. ‘Lost In the Supermarket’ might help you appraise your situation and snap out of your funk.

 

‘Money Power Glory’

Lana Del Rey

 

 

Now that you’ve got your head clear again, it’s time to renew your retail bloodlust. Lana Del Rey describes this mindset perfectly in her song ‘Money Power Glory.’ Let her crooning voice place you in a state of calm awareness as you ruthlessly re-enter the shopping arena.

 

‘Thrift Shop’

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

 

 

What needs to be said about this tune? It serves as a simple reminder that, even if you’re working with a limited budget this holiday season, you can still find some very nice gifts for your friends and family at your local thrift store. Just make sure that you wash any clothes you buy before wrapping them up.

 

‘Store Bought Bones’

The Raconteurs

 

 

An hour or two into your Black Friday shopping, your retail buzz gets harshed when you realize you forgot all about that one thing that you absolutely have to have. And it’s definitely a popular item. You run, hoping against hope that you can still find one. As you realize all hope is lost, the Raconteurs begin to taunt you with their song ‘Store Bought Bones': “You can’t buy what you can’t find …” 

 

‘Spit On a Stranger’

Pavement

 

 

At this point in the shopping frenzy, your methods have most likely devolved into grabbing whatever your sweaty, numb fingers can find. You’re not the only one, though. Everyone around you is in the same bad way, so you might have to resort to some unsavory methods to escape with your life and your bargains. Take Pavement’s advice, ‘Spit On a Stranger.’

 

’10 A.M. Automatic’

The Black Keys

 

 

By 10AM, you’ve probably been shopping intensely for several hours. When you get home, your family comments on your ragged appearance. You get frustrated when they don’t seem interested in the great deals you found. They’re more concerned with your well-being than anything. That’s where the Black Keys come in, with their song ’10 A.M. Automatic.’

 

‘Don’t Follow’

Alice In Chains

 

 

We close our Black Friday playlist with a cautionary tale of losing yourself in materialism. Maybe things would have been different for you if someone had played for you Alice In Chains’ ‘Don’t Follow’ before you headed to Wal-Mart. At least you can pass the message down to those you love when next year’s shopping frenzy rolls around.

 

Next: Perfect Apology Playlist (For That Stupid Thing You Did)

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