5 Ridiculous Rock Cruises We’d Like to See
Rock ‘n’ roll cruises grow increasingly popular with each passing year. First came heavy metal cruises and jam band cruises, and then there was the Bruise Cruise, billed as “the world’s first-ever indie rock cruise.” Even Weezer got in on the act, and in December 2012, the S.S. Coachella, the official floating version of the immensely popular California festival, made its maiden voyage, boasting Pulp as headliner.
With so many bands making the cruise circuit these days — and with cold winter weather making us long for some tropical climes — we got to thinking about some of the groups we’d like to see set sail on the high seas. Of course, we had to keep things a little offbeat, so the result was this list: 5 Ridiculous Rock Cruises We’d Like to See. Ahoy!
Welcome aboard the S.S. Daft Punk, where it’s all neon lights and glow sticks and pyramids and throbbing music, all the time. Every single ship employee wears a Daft-styled helmet, the only human interaction you ever have is with fellow cruisers and no matter how tired you get, you are never allowed sleep. In other words, it’s like one long, endless rave — not that there’s anything wrong with that.
The Brian Jonestown Massacre
Considering the Brian Jonestown Massacre’s endlessly rotating lineup, everyone working on the ship — from cooks to deckhands all the way up to the captain — are former members of the band. But for those of you who attend BJM shows hoping for the typical train wreck, your ship has sailed. Frontman Anton Newcombe promises an entire cruise without any shenanigans. You know, to prevent shipwrecks. You can’t be too safe.
Godspeed You! Black Emperorer
We dig Godspeed You! Black Emperor’s sweeping, cinematic take on orchestral post-rock — hell, even the arty, black-and-white movies they play along to are cool — but several days in a row of sitting in the dark below deck watching this band’s over-the-top bombast seems contrary to the main point of a cruise: sitting out on a sun deck, sipping tropical cocktails. Maybe they could project a movie of that?
Beady Eye / Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds
Be ready for some serious tension when you book a trip on the Beady Eye / Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds cruise, which features everyone’s favorite feuding brothers. They, of course, spend the entire time on opposite sides of the ship, verbally bashing each other. But will Oasis settle their differences and get back together before docking? There is a super secret special guest booked in the ship’s main theater on the final night … but it may just Oasish, who are billed (we’re not making this part up) as the “Best Oasis Tribute Band In the World.”
The buffet is all-vegan, booze is banned and even if the ship’s high-end shops remain open, Fugazi frontman Ian MacKaye himself will be standing nearby and singing the band’s anti-commercialism anthem ‘Merchandise’ (“You are not what you own”) while people feel greedy for buying stuff. By the time Fugazi actually hit the stage, they will have made you feel guilty for staying on the ship rather than paddling back to shore to volunteer at a soup kitchen. Then again, it would all be worth it to see Fugazi play just one more time.