The Most Irritating People at Concerts
Soaking in the atmosphere — the smells, the taste of the air and the sweat whipping through the hair of concert attendees — is a big part of the spectacle and experience of a live rock show. You adore your favorite bands and shell out some serious green for tickets, but inevitably, someone will try and spoil your good time. While it might not be intentional, there are people out there who rob joy from others, and irritate the hell out of us at live concerts. Here are some of the worst offenders:
Big Birds. If you’re taller than 6 foot 5 (198 cm), please don’t stand in front of us. Would it kill you to move off to the side or to the back just a tad? You’ll be able to see just fine.
Happy Drunks. We’re glad you’re trashed and having a great time, but stop slobbering all over people and telling them how much you love them. Salvia should only be shared with permission.
Vomatose Drunks. Projectile vomiting on our shoes, clothing, face, hair or friends ain’t cool. Don’t mind us if we stand on your back after you’ve passed out in order to gain some extra vantage.
Moshers Turned Molesters. Moshers sometimes get lost and mosh outside the confines of the pit. Worse, they use moshing as an excuse to grope folks who are less-than-thrilled with the reams of sticky sweat mosh-lesters tends to exude.
Misplaced Hipsters. Someone told them this band was killer, but they weren’t prepared for all the greasy hair, blood, leather, chains and smelly sneakers. Have pity on them, for they knoweth not what they do, or where they are.
Excessive Talkers. We didn’t come here to listen to you jabber. If you’re not into the show, leave, or shut the hell up. Sorry for that sudden outburst, but you’ve been talking nonstop for 45 minutes, and it was either yell or hit you in the back of the head.
Shushers. Some people just love telling other people to shut up. When a quiet song comes up in a set, they finally get a socially acceptable venue in which to do so. We know what you’re doing — no, you shut up.
Shoulder-Mounted Women. Like giants blocking out the sun, a line of women mounted atop their boyfriends’ shoulders can obstruct the view. Do it for your favorite song, then give the rest of us a break and climb back down.
Photo Lovers. Yes, you have all of the latest gadgets, but do you really have to take photos and videos and email them to all of your friends right now? Stop, put your iPhone or camera away for a sec and enjoy the performance.
Amateur Critics. Sure, you want to be a rock critic, but now is not the time to assess the ins and outs of every song, showing off your wealth of musical knowledge. We’ll read Diffuser.fm if we want a critical opinion!
Lip-Locked Couples. “Yeah, I’m not really into this show, but I dig this girl. I think I’ll clean her tonsils with my tongue for the next 90 minutes.”
Super-Duper Fans. “I’ve been to all of their concerts, except that charity benefit back in ’97. Man, I love these guys. Sure, it’s cost me my job, my wife, my kids, my pensions and my sense of self worth, but still, I’d follow them anywhere.”
Babies. OK, it’s cool that you got those big headphones to protect your baby’s ears from a sonic pounding, but wouldn’t it really have been easier if you left the little tyke at home?
Aggressive Dealers. We don’t care what you’re selling: beer, souvenirs or drugs. Don’t block our view while doing your shady business.
Shovers. The guy or gal who comes late and muscles his or her way up front while dragging a couple of texting pals behind. People are mere dominos to these jackasses, begging to be knocked down like skinny cheerleaders…