Bon Iver Erotic Stories Tumblr Is Really Funny, A Little Creepy

Oh, Bon Iver, née Justin Vernon, a heart-throb like few we've yet known, a rugged combination of Walt Whitman, Paul Simon, and Paul Bunyan, ye Wisconsonite, now ensconced in literary lore -- or, at least, literotic lore -- thanks to the newest tumblr sensation, Bon Iver Erotic Stories. If you also get all shivery listening to 'Bon Iver, Bon Iver' and wish that 'For Emma' was for you, indulge in our five favorite fantasies below.

The new tumblr, freshly viral, has the hearts meanderings of at least one admirer, and who could not be wooed, who did not swoon, during that heartfelt '80s-fest of a Coachella set? Who is not yet in love with Justin Vernon? Fools, and people not yet on tumblr.

P.S.: We love how the author addresses the object of affection as Bon Iver, not Justin Vernon. Too cute.

P.P.S.: Bonus Ryan Gosling cameo. That's a lot of great fantasy beards.

Top Five Stories of Bon Iver Erotic Stories

1. "Bon Iver found a bird with a broken leg. He brought it inside, and he kissed me, and now he’s making a tiny splint. He named the bird ‘Little Love.'"
2. "I’m lying in bed right now, and Bon Iver is chopping up heirloom tomatoes for our frittata."
3. "This morning, after our passionate and tender lovemaking, Bon Iver brought me fresh-brewed coffee in a mug he’d carved out of the branch of a tree that fell in the wind. I sipped it while he hummed and assembled his ice-fishing gear."
4. "Today Bon Iver wrapped me in his flannel, which smelled like charred pine and licorice, and took me outside to show me a perfect spiderweb."
5. "Bon Iver and Ryan Gosling went for a walk around the pond. They each brought me a present. Ryan brought me a pretty rock. Bon Iver brought me the clean skull of a tiny animal, perfectly preserved."